★★ out of ★★★★★ At Rob Zombie’s darkened dirtbag core is a full and unfiltered embrace of the age-old adage “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Slow motion. Hyperbolic acting (or in some cases no acting). Closeups so close you can count individual pores Captain Spaulding’s grease-paint soaked forehead. Weirdly rare and off-putting selection of non-Joe Walsh James Gang tracks. If you’ve seen House of a Thousand Corpses and Devil’s Rejects then you’ve been thoroughly exposed to Mr. Zombie’s cinema trickery.
Tag Archive for ‘scary movies’
Mike’s Review: Bliss (2019)
🤟🤟out of 🤟🤟🤟🤟🤟
Are you a fan of a) Metal, b) vaguely satanic possessions, c) explicit drug usage, d) nudity, e) lots of blood (read: LOTS), and f) the word FUCK? I mean, sure who isn’t in favor of all these things right? Each has lots to offer. They’re interesting. Taken in small doses they can be a very powerful antidote to a lagging cinematic undertaking. When taken in over-dose-like proportions the gore and bad words take on an underwhelming status.
Mike’s Review: The Marshes (2020)
★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ Word has it that the kids are in to mash-ups. Girl Talk, Danger Mouse, a little Jay Z, a little Beatles. Throw it all together and see what sticks. 2020’s the Marsh (originally released in 2018 in Australia) does just that — but maybe a little too much.
Movie Posters We Love: Les Monstres de l’espace (1967)
Who were they running from? What do they fear? What have they seen!?!?! Quartermass and the Pit, AKA Five Million Years to Earth, AKA Les Monstres de l’espace!!! So many names, but just ONE great piece of artwork.
Mike’s Review: Martin (1978)
★★★★ 1/2 out of ★★★★★ Vampires have been around for a long time (read: possibly forever?) and their story has been told in a weirdly limitless number of ways. Sexy vampires. Gory vampires. Child vampires. Deaf vampires. Suffice it to say, the votes are in and humanity LOVES its vampires!
Mike’s Review: Green Inferno (2013)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★ Are you looking for that something extra to jolt you out of life’s day-to-day doldrums? That little something to shock your system in to a complete state of hysteria? Something so odious and vile that your mind won’t know how to process the capital “G” grisly-gore? Your pals at the Scariest Things Podcast have found just the thing. Enter…Green Inferno.
Mike’s Review: Annabelle Comes Home (2019)
★★ out of ★★★★★
Now with 30 percent less jump scares!
Mike’s Review: Hole in the Ground (2019)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ The new wave of horror cinema is officially upon us all. Gone are the jokey and […]
Great Horror Movie Opening Scenes: Video Clips (NSFW)
Aaaaaand… ACTION! Here are the video clips of Mike and Eric’s Episode 60 favorite opening scenes from horror movies. Beware, […]
Mike’s Review: Mercy Black (2019)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Say it ain’t so! A real life ghost story that just might be about real life GHOSTS! Not only is this a solid little flick with a gaggle of ghostly misdirection, it’s also a film that features THE Janeane Garofalo. Sadly, while Ms. Garofalo isn’t in the film too much, her absence is made up by lots and lots of strange and ghoulish apparitions — or not.
Mike’s Review: The Silence (2019)
🦇 out of 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇
Just because you thought A Quiet Place was cool doesn’t mean it needs to be remade six months later.
Happy Easter Horror Hounds!
This Easter 🐰🐰🐰 you haven’t a hop in hell! Because…here comes Peter Cottonhell! If those aren’t two of the most hackneyed and shoe-horned taglines we don’t know what are. Because Beaster Day is real, it’s coming for you, and we’ve digested more crappy films that anyone should!
Mike’s Review: Winchester (2018)
👻👻 out of 👻👻👻👻👻
A spook show with too many spooks?
Mike’s Review: Pet Sematary (2019)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Wait. Hold up. It took four cats to play the cat “Church”? And it took two kids to play Gage? That’s commitment!
Mike’s Review: Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)
The art world is a tough nut to crack. The politics, the sexuality, the fortunes, the fame, the critics, the notoriety, the legacy — oh, yeah, and we almost forgot, the art. Art is often a vessel for missing elements in society, wanting, longing, and a respite from the day to day hum/drum attributes of life. Art can subjugate the mundane and keep our darker and more horrifying desires at bay. That is, when art is obeyed and respected. When it’s not…watch out.
Horror Movie News: THE Wu Tang Clan are Making a Horror Movie
Ya’ heard that right. Word on the gritty streets of Staten Island is that the rap super-group, THE Wu Tang […]
Mike’s Review: The Green Slime (1968)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Yes. It’s true. Some films are so awesomely bad that they’ve come full circle and are just plain awesomely awesome. And that’s the truth. One such film is the truly underrated and much ridiculed, 1968’s, the Green Slime. I mean the name kind of says it all.
Horror Movie News: Lords of Chaos Trailer
Well this certainly looks interesting! Much like horror with all of its weird and appurtenant sub-genres, heavy metal, has got […]
Horror Movie News: The Exorcism of Karen Walker Trailer
Do you like 1970s horror? Exorcisms? Hammer films? Of course you do! Just got word of a new flick that […]
The Scariest Things and Wiz World are Teaming up!
Come see the Scariest Things LIVE at Wizard World Portland from February 22-24!
The Scariest Things Podcast Episode L: A One Year Retrospective
One year in the books, and it’s time to reflect upon our experience as Podcasters and Writers!
Mike’s Review: Slenderman (2018)
★.5 out of ★★★★★
There are those films that need no exposition, and there are those that need a-plenty. The 2018 pre-teen fright fest, Slenderman, is a film that requires ample elucidation. Unfortunately, it contains little to none (read: none). While Slenderman does have some partially admirable elements, it also contains a bag-o’-problems.
Horror Movie News: Golem Trailer
Well you knew it was a matter of time before Hollywood ran out of ideas. Or, maybe, just maybe, it’s […]
Mike’s Review: Puppet Master (1989)
★★★ out of ★★★★★ Written by Charles Band and directed by David Schmoeller There’s some things in life that you […]
Horror Movie News: Velvet Buzzsaw Coming Soon
When good art goes bad? When bad artists attack good artists? When good artists attack bad critics? Who knows? All […]
Mike’s Top 10 Films of 2018
Hey 2018! Nice job. Really. You did pretty well. Or rather you really blew it on a lot of fronts, […]
Mike’s Review: Malevolent (2018)
★★ out of ★★★★★ It’s weird to think that the year 1986 is considered to be a throwback, or alternatively […]
Mike’s Review: Terrifier (2017)
★out of ★★★★★ It’s rather rare that I, or for that matter, any reviewer starts a review with “…don’t watch this […]
Mike’s Review: Unsane (2018)
★★★★out of ★★★★★
Pure brilliance. Elegant simplicity. Well if Regency pictures came to me and asked me for a pull-quote blurb, that’s what I’d say. Because it’s true.
Movie Posters We Love: Nightmares (1983)
Seems simple enough. Just shut your eyes…and scream. According to the brain trust over at IMDB this little chiller was […]