Happy Thanksgiving from the Great Old Ones at The Scariest Things! We recommend at your annual feast to remember that you shouldn’t eat anything that is still moving. And, it’s always good to know where that mystery meat came from.
Tag Archive for ‘Scariest Things Podcast’
Mike’s Review: Pilgrim (2019)
★★ out of ★★★★★
Tucked neatly between two pretty cool holidays is a celebration that’s pretty mundane. Face it Thanksgiving ain’t all that great, nor is gluttony. It’s definitely a tough spot to be in. The equivalent in the world of horror is being unfortunately stuck between horror and comedy. That’s exactly where the 2019 Blumhouse/Hulu film Pilgrim fits.
Sort of funny. Sort of horror. But really neither.
Mike’s Review: I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (2017)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
The holidays are just around the corner! Well, technically the holidays are ALWAYS just around the corner. The only thing more bleak than the constant crush of forced holiday frivolity? I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday.
Mike’s Review: No Exit (2022)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Part thriller, part mystery, part horror, and all metaphor! No Exit is a pretty fun thrill ride that never gets too gory, grimy, or grody. Just a little bit of each, but not too much of any.
Mike’s Review: Satan’s Slaves: Communion (2022)
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
If 2022 has you a little jaundiced with reboots, sequels, prequels, and re-imaginations your feeling are not unwarranted. Let’s face it, Halloween Ends was confusing and largely devoid of Michael Myers. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was silly and uncooked. Hellraiser was pretty to look at, but became an unnecessary and boring reboot.
Have no fear. The Indonesians are here to save us!
Mike’s Review: Umma (2022)
★★ out of ★★★★★
A quiet and contemplative affair that sadly just remains a quiet and contemplative affair. No highs, no lows, and few scares.
Mike’s Review: Dark Glasses (2022)
★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Black gloves! The stabiest of stabbings! Groovy Goblin-esque soundtrack! Mysterious subterfuge! A nod (maybe) to the 1971 classic Cat O’ Nine Tails. Argento is back! Well, maybe he’s back. The vote’s still out on that wild proclamation.
Mike’s Review: Halloween Ends (2022)
★★ out of ★★★★★
Like all hyper-beloved franchises there’s no way to end them in a satisfactory way. Save for MASH and the great Hawkeye Pierce, every last franchise has fumbled, bungled, and tied themselves in the most Gordian of Gordian Knots. Sadly, even with a stellar writing and directing crew, Halloween was not able to properly end.
Mike’s Review: Hellraiser (2022)
📍📍📍 out of 📍📍📍📍📍
You either love the Cenobites or you don’t. You’re either interested in freaky BDSM emo-demons or you’re not. You either like non-linear otherworldly sci-fi based horror or it holds little interest to you. It’s possible there’s a third category — indifference — and that’s probably where I fall on the Hellraiser spectrum.
Mike’s Review: My Best Friend’s Exorcism (2022)
★★ out of ★★★★★
A “C” is passing, but it ain’t that great in the scheme of things. It’s just OK. Sometimes it’s from lack of trying, sometimes it’s from a poor teacher, and sometimes the student doesn’t have a lot to work from. In the case of 2022’s My Best Friend’s Exorcism, it had great source material, a great story, and the backing of one of the biggest corporations on the planet. So what the hell happened to one of the most anticipated films of 2022?
Mike’s Book Report: Whisper Down The Lane (2021)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Heavy subject. Breezy presentation. That’s really the brilliance of Clay McLeod Chapman. The ability to pick apart a heady emotional construct in a way that’s engaging, insightful, and most of all frightening!
Mike’s Review: Pearl (2022)
★★ out of ★★★★★
Pearl WILL be one of the more divisive films of the year. It will end up on some “best of” lists, but it could very well end up on some “worst of” lists. Why? Simple really. It’s a very uneven film. It contains some rather shocking bits, but it’s also equally underwhelming.
Mike’s Review: Men (2022)
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
This might seem like a stretch, but you’ve never seen a film quite like 2022’s Men. Really. It’s in a pretty singular place in the world of psychedelic horror. Frankly, there’s nothing that really compares to this shocking bit of A24 business. Unless you count David Cronenberg’s 1979 classic the Brood as a contemporary — but that was 43 years ago.
Men, directed by friend of horror, Alex Garland (28 Days Later and Annihilation) is exactly the film that 2022 needed, nay required. By managing to expertly weave through a minefield of trauma, sexual repression, male insecurity, and post-#metoo movement dynamics, Garland turns in one of the best horror films of the year.
Mike’s Review: Moloch (2022)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
As a horror film Moloch really has everything you’d ever want. Well-placed scares. A little blood, but not too much. Ghost-is characters. Possession — sort of. Pre-christian Low Country mythology. And even — gasp — pagan demon cults!
Mike’s Review: Third Saturday in October Part IV (2022 Popcorn Frights Film Festival)
★★ out of ★★★★★
We all know the rule. Sequels are (mostly) awful. Always (most of the the time). The further you Get in to a franchise the sequels will GROW proportionally more awful. Two might be passable, but by the time you get to Part IV you’ve just purchased a non-refundable one way ticket to stink town. Population: suck.
Mike’s Review: Third Saturday in October (2022 Popcorn Frights Film Festival)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Many horror films try, but equally, many films fail to concoct the perfect period piece. Often times concept for period pieces in the world of horror seems to be centered around someone’s uncle who has a really mint 1977 Trans Am. Seems like an easy tasked to build an entire film around some funky vintage clothes and a sweet ride, but more often than not it’s a task where many fail.
Mike’s Review: Malibu Horror Story (2022 Popocorn Frights Film Festival)
★★ out of ★★★★★
The CW made a found footage horror movie! Well, not really, but it sure feels like it. Too perfect kids. Too beautiful actors. Too perfectly clean footage and technology. Replete with a rag tag group of Scooby Doo-esque paranormal researchers!
Mike’s Review: Allegoria (2022)
★.5 out of ★★★★★
Anthology horror films are so full of creepy goodness! Moral tales. Freaky through lines. Peculiar and off-putting horror hosts and narrators. They give us everything we desire in spooky bite-sized chunks. Until they don’t.
Mike’s Review: This is GWAR
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
GWAR is the little band that no one has ever heard of, but absolutely everyone needs to know. Their horrifying musings are just that — horrifying musings. Don’t be mistaken there’s so much more this gore-filled party. So much more. After nearly 40 years they have perfected the art of soaking their weak and puny audiences with blood, guts, urine, and yes, semen.
Scariest Things Review: NOPE (2022)
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
We’ve all been waiting patiently for the new work by masterful filmmaker Jordan Peele. He has yet to disappoint with his previous cinematic efforts and continues to push a rather visionary envelope. Shrouded in years of mystery comes another enthralling horror entry with NOPE.
As we’ve already previously noted, UFO films are usually mostly in the science fiction camp, with maybe a toe in the horror genre. Trying to find the ones that firmly place two feet over into the horror side is no easy feat. NOPE is that film that harmoniously brings these camps together.
Mike’s Review: Peninsula (2020)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Just as zombie films really aren’t about zombies, nor are heist films about heists. Sure there’s the undead roaming across the screen and the heist film brings you the extra-elaborate scheme to get the goods, but neither is really about what they claim. If you’re a follower of horror (and we know you are) you know that many things in horror are simply devices to get to the heart of the matter. Human emotions.
Mike’s Review: Stag (Portland Horror Film Festival 2022)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — comedy is a difficult task that’s made all the more difficult when it gets mixed up with its gory cousin, HORROR. To see it done well is one of the more pleasant sites that a horror fan gets to ever see.
The new film, Stag, by quadruple threat (actress, writer, director, and producer) Alexandra Spieth marries these two ugly cousins together perfectly — ironically in the context of a weekend bridal party.
Mike’s Review: What is Buried Must Remain (Portland Horror Film Festival 2022)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
There’s a very real chance that this film may be the first of its kind. True story. One of one. The first ever. Well, that might be a little bit of a stretch, but it’s unlikely that there are any other found footage horror films made by Syrian teens who happen to be refugees living Lebanese settlement camps. If there are others out there we’d sure love to know about them.
Mike’s Review: Studio 666 (2022)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
It’s probably not too far out on a limb to say that Dave Grohl is an American treasure, but it turns out he actually is. From his time in Scream to Nirvana and his alt-grunge outfit the Foo Fighters, the man has done it all. Vacillating between documentaries with topics as varied as the Bad Brains, Lemmy, obscure record labels, and even Devo, Dave has covered nearly every possible music genre and sub-genre.
While he’s acted in a handful of fictional films, he’s never really touched on the world of horror. That is until now. Turns out he’s a pretty great actor. And, he’s also got a penchant for comedy.
The Scariest Things Review: The Black Phone (2022)
This year’s “it” horror film is upon us! Sorry, Halloween Ends, you’ll have to wait your turn. The Black Phone is the long awaited horror opus directed by Scott Derrickson (Sinister, Exorcism of Emily Rose, and Deliver us from Evil) and written by Joe Hill (Locke and Key, Creep Show, and NOS4RA2).
All the horror provenance is certainly there, but is the Black Phone any good? As we often do, the Scariest Things Podcast team is bringing our collective thoughts to the table to look inside this big budget spook show.
Mike’s Review: Christine (1983)
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
On the edge of the 40th anniversary of the seminal John Carpenter-Stephen King mashup it’s high time we pay proper due to a legitimate horror classic. Coupled with the fact that Blumhouse is in the works of producing a questionable remake — due in 2022/2023 — and the fact that this 1983 joint is now streaming on Netflix in UHD, it makes it the perfect time to consider where this fits in to the pantheon of horror greats.
Mike’s Review: Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon (Overlook Film Festival 2022)
★★★★ out of ★★★★
According to director Ana Lily Amirpour, her latest outing, Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon “…is New Orleans AF.” While we’re probably not the best judges of whether anything, let alone New Orleans, is AF, but for purposes of this discussion we’ll say it is.
Mike’s Review: Swallowed (Overlook Film Festival 2022)
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Being a drug mule is the absolute worst. Mind you, this reviewer has never been a drug mule, but there’s a nagging feeling that muling drugs for miscreants, reprobates, and slackened dolts is an awful time. The only thing worse than being a drug mule? When the drug mules are forced in to servitude in the name of Cronenbergian insects and a web of gnarly body horror.
Mike’s Review: Virus 32 (2022)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
The 1930s and 40s brought us ghoulish voodoo zombies. The 1960s and 70s graciously brought us trundling brain-fixated zombies. The early 2000s somewhat quixotically brought us hyper-speed zombies. And now in the 2020s we’re being treated (emphasis on the sarcasm) to sadistic, cruel, and mean-spirited zombies. Good, bad, or indifferent this is the brutish zombie world we now live in.
Mike’s Review: The Found Footage Phenomenon (2021)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
If we’ve learned anything it’s that horror movies are one big bag of smoke and mirrors. It’s a ruse, a put on, a sham. So much disbelief needs to be suspended to make the entire haunted house of cards structurally sound. If there’s any loose horror screws the entire effort collapses in a pile of unscary dust.
But when it works? Oh boy, does it work!