★★★★ out of ★★★★★
It’s all fun and games until you have to draw straws to determine who becomes the sacrifice in a lifeboat dilemma. Harpoon is a savage look at a love triangle gone completely haywire and lost at sea.
Archive for ‘Reviews’
Mike’s Review: Three from Hell (2019)
★★ out of ★★★★★ At Rob Zombie’s darkened dirtbag core is a full and unfiltered embrace of the age-old adage “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Slow motion. Hyperbolic acting (or in some cases no acting). Closeups so close you can count individual pores Captain Spaulding’s grease-paint soaked forehead. Weirdly rare and off-putting selection of non-Joe Walsh James Gang tracks. If you’ve seen House of a Thousand Corpses and Devil’s Rejects then you’ve been thoroughly exposed to Mr. Zombie’s cinema trickery.
Joseph’s Reviews (Horror-on-Sea Film Festival): Big Man, Bleed, Idle Hands, The Last Reel, This Mourning
Horror-on-Sea Film Festival offered up a treasure trove of incredible fright-fare shorts. In this second installment of short-film reviews from […]
Eric’s Review: The Lighthouse (2019)
★★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
Isolation, misery, toil, secrets, and madness. Just another day for Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe in the Robert Eggers brilliantly bleak seascape The Lighthouse.
Joseph’s Review: Swallow (Final Girls Berlin Film Fest)
★★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ A Stepford Wife in training begins swallowing dangerous objects — and that’s only the start of […]
Mike’s Review: Bliss (2019)
🤟🤟out of 🤟🤟🤟🤟🤟
Are you a fan of a) Metal, b) vaguely satanic possessions, c) explicit drug usage, d) nudity, e) lots of blood (read: LOTS), and f) the word FUCK? I mean, sure who isn’t in favor of all these things right? Each has lots to offer. They’re interesting. Taken in small doses they can be a very powerful antidote to a lagging cinematic undertaking. When taken in over-dose-like proportions the gore and bad words take on an underwhelming status.
Robert’s Review: There Are Monsters (2013)
★★ out of ★★★★★
Have a great idea for a horror movie? Here’s a perfect example of how to make your great idea almost completely unwatchable!
Joseph’s Reviews (Horror-on-Sea Film Festival): Horror Shorts — Noctámbulos (Night Owls), No Strings, One Touch, Tolerance
Horror-on-Sea Film Festival offered up a treasure trove of incredible horror shorts. Here are reviews about four of them, featuring […]
Eric’s Review: VFW (2020)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Chalk one up for the old dudes! Drugged out mutant crazies siege the local veteran’s watering hole in the latest offering from FANGORIA, featuring some fan-favorite genre actors getting a chance to step out of the supporting role shadows.
Joseph’s Reviews (Another Hole in the Head Film Fest): Horror Shorts — Patina, Playtime’s Over, and Zombie Debt
An intimidating humanoid robot, a preteen horror movie fan bent on terrorizing her babysitter, and a woman pursued by a debt collector during a zombie apocalypse were the subjects of three fantastic short films that recently screened at Another Hole in the Head Film Fest in San Francisco.
Robert’s Review: Eat Locals (2017)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Filmed entirely in Hertfordshire, England, this charming vampire flick starts slowly, but saves itself with an action-filled second act and a thoroughly satisfying ending.
Mike’s Review: The Color Out of Space (2020)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Is the ultimate test of a director the ability to grow, mature, and evolve? Pick up new tricks, devices, and viewpoints? Create new and unique takes on the film medium? OR, is it the director’s job to figure out what formula works, stick with that, and never grow, mature, and evolve. Sort of a “greatest hits” approach to filmmaking.
Liz’s review: The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
A found footage style film that for years was found footage itself. Dip your toe into the water under a bridge too far and watch The Poughkeepsie Tapes.
Robert’s Review: Jack Frost (1997)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
It’s a holiday classic! This very B-grade movie overcame studio bankruptcy, anomalous weather, and the fact that it’s about a goofy-looking 7-foot tall rubber snowman to achieve cult status as a direct-to-video release.
Mike’s Review: Mausoleum (1983)
★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ 1983 just called. Your VHS tape is overdue!
Mike’s Review: The Marshes (2020)
★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ Word has it that the kids are in to mash-ups. Girl Talk, Danger Mouse, a little Jay Z, a little Beatles. Throw it all together and see what sticks. 2020’s the Marsh (originally released in 2018 in Australia) does just that — but maybe a little too much.
Robert’s Review: Countdown (2019)
★1/2 out of ★★★★★
This Final Destination rip-off is cliché, derivative, and predictable. You’ve got better things to do with your time.
Joseph’s Review: The Wave (2019)
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ The Wave bends time and film genres, and it is bound to bend viewers’ minds, too, […]
Joseph’s Review: The Numbers (Horror-on-Sea Film Festival)
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ Fans of classic British horror anthologies should find plenty to admire in independent chiller The Numbers. […]
Eric’s Review: Underwater (2020)
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★.
Underwater is a furiously paced movie that applies the pressure early (pun intended) and rarely lets you up for air (pun intended again). The familiar setting and lack of character arcs are overcome by a strong cast, great production values, and a simple but well-executed plot.
Joseph’s Review: A Serial Killer’s Guide to Life
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ This dark comic take skewers (pun intended) self-help gurus and followers alike as a murderer and […]
Eric’s Review: Ruin Me (2017)
★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
What’s the worst thing somebody just coming out of rehab should do to relax and find peace in the world? Go to a slasher camp re-enactment! This film telegraphs its moves like a brass band marching through the forest.
Eric’s Review: Nekrotronic (2019)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
This crazy mash-up cyberpunk-comedy-horror really shouldn’t have worked. Surprisingly, it did. A movie that should have felt derivative comes out feeling like it has fresh ideas and has you on board for this Australian comic-bookish Satanic techno ride.
The Scariest Things Podcast Episode LXXXVI: The Best Horror Movies of 2019
The Golden Era of Horror films shows no signs of letting up if judging by the quality of features offered up in 2019. Now it’s time to talk about our favorites!
Eric’s Review: The Head Hunter (2019)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
A stark and haunting minimalist horror-fantasy, about a vengeful father fulfilling his oath to bring down the monster that killed his daughter.
Joseph’s Top 10 Film Festival Horror Movies of 2019
For my The Scariest Things “best of 2019” list, I decided to do something a little different and focus on […]
Joseph’s Review: Black Circle (Another Hole in the Head Film Fest)
★★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ An esoteric recording from the 1970s finds two sisters pitted against the physical manifestations of their […]
Eric’s Review: The Banana Splits Movie (2019)
★★ out of ★★★★★
Tapping into the hipster zeitgeist, The Banana Splits Movie looked to provide nostalgic psychedelic infused wackiness with ironic ultra-violence layered on top. Instead, it’s a depressing morass filled with unlikable characters.
Eric’s Review: Brightburn (2019)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Lex Luthor was right. This alien may look like us, but he is here to destroy us. This VERY dark take on the Superman parable is the very violent flip side of the Man of Steel, right down to the swing set and the waving wheat of Kansas.
Joseph’s Review: Rot (Another Hole in the Head Film Fest)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★ An evil entity is loosed, bringing death and terror to a graduate student, her ex-boyfriend, and […]