★★ out of ★★★★★
Pearl WILL be one of the more divisive films of the year. It will end up on some “best of” lists, but it could very well end up on some “worst of” lists. Why? Simple really. It’s a very uneven film. It contains some rather shocking bits, but it’s also equally underwhelming.
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
This might seem like a stretch, but you’ve never seen a film quite like 2022’s Men. Really. It’s in a pretty singular place in the world of psychedelic horror. Frankly, there’s nothing that really compares to this shocking bit of A24 business. Unless you count David Cronenberg’s 1979 classic the Brood as a contemporary — but that was 43 years ago.
Men, directed by friend of horror, Alex Garland (28 Days Later and Annihilation) is exactly the film that 2022 needed, nay required. By managing to expertly weave through a minefield of trauma, sexual repression, male insecurity, and post-#metoo movement dynamics, Garland turns in one of the best horror films of the year.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
As a horror film Moloch really has everything you’d ever want. Well-placed scares. A little blood, but not too much. Ghost-ish characters. Possession — sort of. Pre-christian Low Country mythology. And even — gasp — pagan demon cults!
★★ out of ★★★★★
We all know the rule. Sequels are (mostly) awful. Always (most of the the time). The further you get into a franchise the sequels will GROW proportionally more awful. Two might be passable, but by the time you get to Part IV you’ve just purchased a non-refundable one-way ticket to Stink Town. Population: suck.
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Many horror films try, but equally, many films fail to concoct the perfect period piece. Often times concepts for period pieces in the world of horror seem to be centered around someone’s uncle who has a really mint 1977 Trans Am. Seems like an easy tasked to build an entire film around some funky vintage clothes and a sweet ride, but more often than not it’s a task where many fail.
★★ out of ★★★★★
The CW made a found footage horror movie! Well, not really, but it sure feels like it. Too perfect kids. Too beautiful actors. Too perfectly clean footage and technology. Replete with a rag tag group of Scooby Doo-esque paranormal researchers!
★.5 out of ★★★★★
Anthology horror films are so full of creepy goodness! Moral tales. Freaky through lines. Peculiar and off-putting horror hosts and narrators. They give us everything we desire in spooky bite-sized chunks. Until they don’t.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
GWAR is the little band that no one has ever heard of, but absolutely everyone needs to know. Their horrifying musings are just that — horrifying musings. Don’t be mistaken there’s so much more this gore-filled party. So much more. After nearly 40 years they have perfected the art of soaking their weak and puny audiences with blood, guts, urine, and yes, semen.
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
We’ve all been waiting patiently for the new work by masterful filmmaker Jordan Peele. He has yet to disappoint with his previous cinematic efforts and continues to push a rather visionary envelope. Shrouded in years of mystery comes another enthralling horror entry with NOPE.
As we’ve already previously noted, UFO films are usually mostly in the science fiction camp, with maybe a toe in the horror genre. Trying to find the ones that firmly place two feet over into the horror side is no easy feat. NOPE is that film that harmoniously brings these camps together.
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Just as zombie films really aren’t about zombies, nor are heist films about heists. Sure there’s the undead roaming across the screen and the heist film brings you the extra-elaborate scheme to get the goods, but neither is really about what they claim. If you’re a follower of horror (and we know you are) you know that many things in horror are simply devices to get to the heart of the matter. Human emotions.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — comedy is a difficult task that’s made all the more difficult when it gets mixed up with its gory cousin, HORROR. To see it done well is one of the more pleasant sights
that a horror fan gets to ever see.
The new film, Stag, by quadruple threat (actress, writer, director, and producer) Alexandra Spieth marries these two ugly cousins together perfectly — ironically in the context of a weekend bridal party.
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
There’s a very real chance that this film may be the first of its kind. True story. One of one. The first ever. Well, that might be a little bit of a stretch, but it’s unlikely that there are any other found footage horror films made by Syrian teens who happen to be refugees living Lebanese settlement camps. If there are others out there we’d sure love to know about them.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
It’s probably not too far out on a limb to say that Dave Grohl is an American treasure, but it turns out he actually is. From his time in Scream to Nirvana and his alt-grunge outfit the Foo Fighters, the man has done it all. Vacillating between documentaries with topics as varied as the Bad Brains, Lemmy, obscure record labels, and even Devo, Dave has covered nearly every possible music genre and sub-genre.
While he’s acted in a handful of fictional films, he’s never really touched on the world of horror. That is until now. Turns out he’s a pretty great actor. And, he’s also got a penchant for comedy.
This year’s “it” horror film is upon us! Sorry, Halloween Ends, you’ll have to wait your turn. The Black Phone is the long awaited horror opus directed by Scott Derrickson (Sinister, Exorcism of Emily Rose, and Deliver us from Evil) and written by Joe Hill (Locke and Key, Creep Show, and NOS4RA2).
All the horror provenance is certainly there, but is the Black Phone any good? As we often do, the Scariest Things Podcast team is bringing our collective thoughts to the table to look inside this big budget spook show.
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
On the edge of the 40th anniversary of the seminal John Carpenter-Stephen King mashup it’s high time we pay proper due to a legitimate horror classic. Coupled with the fact that Blumhouse is in the works of producing a questionable remake — due in 2022/2023 — and the fact that this 1983 joint is now streaming on Netflix in UHD, it makes it the perfect time to consider where this fits in to the pantheon of horror greats.
★★★★ out of ★★★★
According to director Ana Lily Amirpour, her latest outing, Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon “…is New Orleans AF.” While we’re probably not the best judges of whether anything, let alone New Orleans, is AF, but for purposes of this discussion we’ll say it is.
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Being a drug mule is the absolute worst. Mind you, this reviewer has never been a drug mule, but there’s a nagging feeling that muling drugs for miscreants, reprobates, and slackened dolts is an awful time. The only thing worse than being a drug mule? When the drug mules are forced in to servitude in the name of Cronenbergian insects and a web of gnarly body horror.
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
The 1930s and 40s brought us ghoulish voodoo zombies. The 1960s and 70s graciously brought us trundling brain-fixated zombies. The early 2000s somewhat quixotically brought us hyper-speed zombies. And now in the 2020s we’re being treated (emphasis on the sarcasm) to sadistic, cruel, and mean-spirited zombies. Good, bad, or indifferent this is the brutish zombie world we now live in.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
If we’ve learned anything it’s that horror movies are one big bag of smoke and mirrors. It’s a ruse, a put on, a sham. So much disbelief needs to be suspended to make the entire haunted house of cards structurally sound. If there’s any loose horror screws the entire effort collapses in a pile of unscary dust.
But when it works? Oh boy, does it work!
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
In the increasingly fast-paced world of horror sometimes it’s really nice to bathe in a simple and pastoral story. The intensity of fast zombies, flying chainsaws, and hyper-speed ghouls has a time and place, but it’s also a nice bit of calm when the characters and the story unfold in a relaxed and less apocalyptic way.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
There’s nothing worse than living alone in a bleak and dreary apartment. Add Covid19 and some additional isolation. That’s pretty awful. Mix in conference calls with your patronizing ex-wife, her husband, and your best pal trying to help you transition in to the next phase of your life. Well, that’s really awful. Mix in some black magic, demons from another dimension, and true ghost hunters — then you’ve got a real recipe for demonic disaster.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Vampires and circuses! Two great tastes that pair wonderfully said together. Said no one. Ever. But it’s true. It happened. All courtesy of classic horror studio Hammer films. In 1972 someone thought up this brainy coupling and vampires were meshed together in to the world of circuses. Not necessarily a fad that lasted, but at least we got one vampire/circus mashup!
★★★ out of ★★★★★
This hop, skip, and jump down memory lane provides an incredible gory realization that horror films from the 1980s were silly, confusing, and nasty bits of business. Sure they were rather amateur-ish, but they were also exciting jumping off points for the masters of horror for decades to come! There’s Sam Raimi, Ted Raimi, Greg Nicotero, Bruce Campbell, Renée Estevez, and even famed Tarantino producer, Lawrence Bender. Some parts are smaller than others, but rest assured, they’re all there!
★ out of ★★★★★
A new age of horror is upon us! It’s Jeffrey Epstein Horror. For the record, Jeffrey Epstein is a pretty repugnant character and no one ever asked for Jeffrey Epstein Horror. But it is kind of…uh…interesting.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Equal parts Stand By Me, Stranger Things, and Hellraiser, the Shelter of the Damned presents a pretty dark look at adolescence and the lengths that kids will go to to get out of school.
★★ out of ★★★★★
It’s a new form of vampirism! It’s vampirism without vampires! Morbius is that oh-so-special vampire that’s content with Gatorade mountain blueberry blast-looking blood and who doesn’t burst in to flames every time he sees a crucifix. The dawning of a new and decidedly less malevolent Dracula.
1/2 ★ out of ★★★★★
Ted Lange from Loveboat is not Sir Laurence Oliver, neither is Baywatch stalwart, David Chokachi. To be clear, the level of acting in Blood Pageant, and for that matter everything else, is a pretty thin stab at the horror genre.
🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘 out of 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘
“This is rock and roll that is going to change your fucking life!” — Lita Ford.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Hypochondriac is really a film that hits the right place and the right time. Mental health, familial relationships, concern about physical health and well being, and our collective sense that we just might be lost in the universe. Hypochondriac delivers on all these fronts and manages to sneak in a couple legitimate scares!
★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Who’s ready for an early 1990s straight-to-VHS horror-filled romp in the hood? Silly caricatures? Thin and well-trod plot? A vague rip-off of 1980s slashers and a not-so subtle rip-off of the Saw franchise? If any of this sounds remotely interesting then you’re in for a treat! Bitch Ass has got it all.
