A new age of horror is upon us! It’s Jeffrey Epstein Horror. For the record, Jeffrey Epstein is a pretty repugnant character and no one ever asked for Jeffrey Epstein Horror. But it is kind of…uh…interesting.
By now we all know the hyper-sleazy tale of Jeffrey Epstein, his deplorable sexual exploits, and his also questionable collection of ex-Presidents, CEOs, heads of state, and royals. But did you know that these happenings were all part of a Satanic cult that still possesses people to this day? Well, that part’s not true, but that’s certainly what’s posited in 2021’s The Scary of Sixty-First.
Directed by Dasha Nekrasova — who all stars in one of the staring roles as “the girl” — The Scary of Sixty-First follows two young women in NYC who’ve scored a mighty sweet new apartment. Turns out this apartment was used by Jeffrey Epstein as a black-ops Satanic ritual orgy hangout. Sound ridiculous? Well it is.
The girls Noelle (Madeline Quinn) and Addie (Betsey Brown) quickly realize that not all is well in their super-swell apartment and the concerns are quickly confirmed by the arrival of “the girl” and self-proclaimed Jeffrey Epstein investigator. She’s convinced that he didn’t commit suicide, his Satanic cult was responsible for more horrible things then we could ever imagine, and his chicanery rises to the highest levels of the rich and famous — OK, maybe that last part is true.
Noelle is quickly and romantically befriended by “the girl”, and Addie, equally quickly, goes off her rocker. Continual and disgusting self-pleasuring to Prince Andrew, very terrifying coital exchanges with her boyfriend, and also managing to self-pleasure herself to Jeffrey Epstein’s front door. More gross than all that? They actual use his real doorstep to shoot one of Addie’s more gnarly scenes.
The girls devolve in to madness as they passively try to escape the demonic hold that Jeffrey has on them. There’s a few twists and turns, but they’re unfortunately tucked under out-of-focus camera work, an oddly chosen homage to Giallo, an inexplicable crappy faux 1970s filter, clumsy and downright weird acting, non-commensurate scenes of shock and gore, and a finale that will have you sighing a big ol’ “huh?”
The entire film plays out like one of those instances where you go to a restaurant order food and think to yourself “…this isn’t that great. I probably could have made this at home.” As we all know that’s possibly one of the more unsatisfying film/culinary experiences you can have.
Funny enough this messy pile of film work is actually pretty interesting — as is the general idea behind the story. It’s always fun to noodle on fictionalized history. But there’s got to be a point to it. This film wanders well outside of satire and in to wild conspiracy theories that likely (read: probably) put it on some weird legal footing.
In the end, The Scary of 61st not only leaves us guessing about the true nature of the Jeffrey Epstein’s Satanic orgy cult parties, it also gives the distinct impression that he’s an all powerful being who can control us all — even from BEYOND THE GRAVE!
The Scary of Sixty-First is likely Rated R, hell it’s probably even NC17, and it’s available on DVD through Vinegar Syndrome and streaming on Amazon.