★★ out of ★★★★★ Hey Netflix, we see you over there! Yeah, you. Trying your darnedest to jump on that horror bandwagon, peer in to the abyss, produce that oh-so-perfect horror film, and reap the ghoulish accolades of horror fans everywhere. Just so you know, it’s not working. While 2019’s Eli is awfully close to being a solid film you still have a lot of work to do to make in the fast-paced world of horror.
Tag Archive for ‘horror film’
Mike’s Review: Girl on the Third Floor (2019)
★★.5 out of ★★★★★ As we’ve all come to learn in the horror game, a haunted house, no matter how haunted, does not a movie make. For that matter, a bunch of spooky trappings within a haunted house, also does not a movie make.
Mike’s Review: Martin (1978)
★★★★ 1/2 out of ★★★★★ Vampires have been around for a long time (read: possibly forever?) and their story has been told in a weirdly limitless number of ways. Sexy vampires. Gory vampires. Child vampires. Deaf vampires. Suffice it to say, the votes are in and humanity LOVES its vampires!
Mike’s Review: Wolf Creek (2005)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
The joy of youth. The post-college road trip. Finding your way in vast spaces. Unconstrained, unconfined, uncontrolled. The world is your oyster, until it isn’t.
Mike’s Review: House on Sorority Row (1983)
★★.5 out of ★★★★★ College isn’t for everyone. There’s peer pressure, there’s social acclimatization, there’s the freshman 15, there’s the daily grind of keeping one’s grades in check to maintain that almighty scholarship, and then there’s the relationships. The social bond that’s created can be a lasting and spiritually satisfying affinity, but the bond can go so deep that it’ll eventually turn collegiate relations sour and crazy.
Mike’s Review: The Boar (2017)
🐷🐷.5 out of 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷
The planet is running out of animals. Literally and figuratively. Hollyweird has given us sharks (Jaws 1-4), rabbits (Night of the Lepus), bears (Grizzy), fish (Piranha), and man’s best friend (Cujo). There’s even been birds, wolves, snakes, rats, and gators, and whatever the hell a sharktopus is supposed to be. One of the things that Hollyweird hasn’t gotten its money-grubbing paws on is the pig, javelina, or boar – until now.
Trailer Alert: Little Monsters (2019)
ZOMBIE ALERT: Two decidedly different performances (well three, technically) from the same actor in two horror films in the same year? Say it ain’t so!
Mike’s Review: Annabelle Comes Home (2019)
★★ out of ★★★★★
Now with 30 percent less jump scares!
Horror Movie News: Another Black Christmas Remake
We’ll just park this over here in the What the What!?!?!? category. Apparently, and justifiably, unsatisfied with the 2006 remake […]
Horror Movies News: 3 From Hell Trailer
Love ‘im or hate ‘im, Rob Zombie is back for more in the latest installment of groady, gruesome, grindhouse gore. […]
Mike’s Review: The Lodge (2019)
❄❄❄❄❄ out of ❄❄❄❄❄
2017 gave us Get Out. 2018 gave us Heriditary. 2019’s dive in to intellectual terror is the Lodge. Just as its forefathers were dark, brooding, thought-provoking, and terrifying, so is this year’s entry in to the new age of thinky-horror. Note: thinky-horror is not yet an industry-accepted term, but you heard it hear first.
Movie News: Annabelle Comes Home Trailer!
Babysitters and horror go together like peanut butter and chocolate. You just can’t have one with out the other. This […]
Mike’s Review: Hole in the Ground (2019)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ The new wave of horror cinema is officially upon us all. Gone are the jokey and […]
Mike’s Review: Annabelle (2014)
★★★ out of ★★★★★ Yes. Dolls are creepy. You know this. We know this. They just have a creep factor […]
Movie Posters We Love: La Nuit des Morts Vivants (Night of the Living Dead 1968)
Wow! The French sure know how to do it right. Not only does this film poster look nothing like the […]
Mike’s Review: Mercy Black (2019)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Say it ain’t so! A real life ghost story that just might be about real life GHOSTS! Not only is this a solid little flick with a gaggle of ghostly misdirection, it’s also a film that features THE Janeane Garofalo. Sadly, while Ms. Garofalo isn’t in the film too much, her absence is made up by lots and lots of strange and ghoulish apparitions — or not.
Horror Shorts: Treevenge (2008)
🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲 out of 🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲
Ah…the holidays. Yes. Those holidays. The Christmas-y ones. The holidays that fill you full of joy, happiness, togetherness, peace, family…frustration, long lines, anger, resentment, hatred, and, AND, AND….CHRISTMAS TREES! The bane of the past, present, and the future. Commercialism mixed with a toxic cocktail of entitlement, greed, waste, and environmental cynicism and acrimony. Just a plain ol’ dislike for mother earth.
Mike’s Review: Demons 2 (1986)
👿👿👿 out of 👿👿👿👿👿
This film doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a bad film. Au contraire.
Mike’s Review: The Silence (2019)
🦇 out of 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇
Just because you thought A Quiet Place was cool doesn’t mean it needs to be remade six months later.
Happy Easter Horror Hounds!
This Easter 🐰🐰🐰 you haven’t a hop in hell! Because…here comes Peter Cottonhell! If those aren’t two of the most hackneyed and shoe-horned taglines we don’t know what are. Because Beaster Day is real, it’s coming for you, and we’ve digested more crappy films that anyone should!
Mike’s Review: Lizzie (2018)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Andrew Borden : You’re an abomination, Lizzie.
Lizzie Borden : And at last, we are on equal footing, father.
Mike’s Review: Pet Sematary (2019)
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Wait. Hold up. It took four cats to play the cat “Church”? And it took two kids to play Gage? That’s commitment!
Horror Movie News: The Silence on Netflix
Who knew there was a sub-genre of horror now being referred to as sensory horror. At some point there’s enough […]
Mike’s Review: Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)
The art world is a tough nut to crack. The politics, the sexuality, the fortunes, the fame, the critics, the notoriety, the legacy — oh, yeah, and we almost forgot, the art. Art is often a vessel for missing elements in society, wanting, longing, and a respite from the day to day hum/drum attributes of life. Art can subjugate the mundane and keep our darker and more horrifying desires at bay. That is, when art is obeyed and respected. When it’s not…watch out.
Horror Movie News: Fuck You Immortality Trailer Release
We’ll just park this little 54 second trailer right on over hear in the “huh” category. The Scariest Things Podcast challenges you to find a weirder, more off-putting, and more kick-ass fun trailer. Just try it. You won’t succeed. We promise you.
Mike’s Review: The Green Slime (1968)
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Yes. It’s true. Some films are so awesomely bad that they’ve come full circle and are just plain awesomely awesome. And that’s the truth. One such film is the truly underrated and much ridiculed, 1968’s, the Green Slime. I mean the name kind of says it all.
Horror Movie News: Lords of Chaos Trailer
Well this certainly looks interesting! Much like horror with all of its weird and appurtenant sub-genres, heavy metal, has got […]
Mike’s Review: You Might be the Killer (2018)
★★★ out of ★★★★★
If something is around long enough it’s going to be parodied. There will be barbs, jabs, satire and plenty of loving imitation. Even the tropes and trends that surround a specific genre will get reworked, turned inside out, and devotedly re-re-re-imagined.
Horror Movie News: Pet Sematary Trailer with Zelda
Oh…snap! It’s on! The new Pet Sematary trailer just dropped and it’s got a shot of Zelda! Yes. ZELDA.
Horror Movie News: Lindsay Lohan Werewolf Movie
Um…we’re not exactly sure where to park this, but here it is…Lindsay Lohan is in a werewolf movie.