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December 8, 2021

Mike’s Review: My Cherry Pie (2021) (Another Hole in the Head Film Festival)

★★.5 out of ★★★★★ There’s no telling if 2021’s My Cherry Pie qualifies as Oz-spoitation, but it sure looks, sounds, and feels like something straight off of 42nd street. It’s not the pastoral Picnic at Hanging Rock, nor is it the ever-haunting Lake Mungo. Think Wolf Creek with little-to-no-budget, an extra bit of nastiness, and a pinch of grindhouse.

December 3, 2021

Trailer Alert: Studio 666

When we caught wind of this (assuredly) horror comedy last month we weren't entirely clear if we were looking at an elaborate album hype, a hoax, or an actual film.

November 17, 2021

Mike’s Review: Martyrs Lane (2021)

👻👻👻 out of 👻👻👻👻👻 The go-to move for horror filmmakers in the modern era is the tortured family dynamic. It’s creepy, hidden, sinister, and above all tragic. When you mix in a heaping dose of the death of a child, tragic can take a very dark complexion and make it, well, darker.

October 18, 2021

Mike’s Review: Halloween Kills (2021)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ As demonic crooner Ronnie James Dio once famously opined “when you listen to fools, the mob rules.” Maybe this prescient piece of advice was being plied to the January 6 insurrection, maybe it was being plied to Halloween Kills, but just maybe Dio’s magical ways were sorting out many future truths.

August 17, 2021

Mike’s Review: Dashcam (Popcorn Frights 2021)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ The son of De Palma’s Blow-Out! The grandson of Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow-Up! A new vision of paranoid conspiracy theories as told through the latest fandangled piece of technology! Or in this case technologies.

July 4, 2021

Mike Review: The Fury (1978)

★ out of ★★★★★ It looks like a horror film. It acts like a horror film. It’s directed by cinema great and heir to the Hitchcock throne. Its promotional materials portend horror is just around the corner. But don’t be fooled, this super-star-packed 1970s telekinetic hype machine is nothing but a boring and unnecessarily long after-school special.

May 23, 2021

Trailer Alert! A Classic Horror Story

Giallo and Texas Chainsaw mashed up? Uh, yes, please. We'd love to see that! Well, now you can! Those horror geniuses over at Netflix have officially dropped the official trailer for 2021's A Classic Horror Story.

April 22, 2021

Trailer Alert! The Conjuring III

Holy Beelzebub! The official/official trailer for The Conjuring III, AKA The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do it, is finally here! Complete with devils, god, witches, the Warrens, and waterbeds — which were a thing in 1981, trust us — this trailer has it all.

April 4, 2021

Happy Easter Horror Hounds!

This Easter 🐰🐰🐰 you haven't a hop in hell! Because...here comes Peter Cottonhell! If those aren't two of the most hackneyed and shoe-horned taglines we don't know what are. Because Beaster Day is real, it's coming for you, and we've digested more crappy films that anyone should!

March 17, 2021

Mike’s Review: Woodlands Dark Days Bewitched A History of Folk Horror (2021) (SXSW Festival)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ Make no mistake, Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched: A History of Folk Horror is not a generalist survey course and this is not a casual hike in the woods. This is a full on PHD thrill ride in to one of the most mercurial of all horror genres, folk horror.

February 16, 2021

Mike’s Review: Deadwax (2018)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ It should come as no surprise that record collectors are an awfully weird and obsessive bunch. They perseverate over every possible pressing, color, variation, and vinyl release of individual artists. Their search is endless and somewhat pointless. They fixate on whether to open a sealed copy of a rare record. Most importantly, record collectors won’t stop until their search is complete. Dead or alive.

January 18, 2021

Mike’s Review: Goal of the Dead (2014)

★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ One medium with possibly more sub-genres than horror is futbol, AKA, football, AKA soccer. There’s so many villains, tales, rivalries, and subtext to the beautiful game. Much like horror its a bottomless barrel of impossible possibilities. The other medium with more sub-genres than futbol and horror? Zombies.

January 2, 2021

Mike’s Review: The Pale Door (2020)

★★ out of ★★★★★ Witches are a tricky lot. Literally. Filled with deceit and deception. They conjur up horrible thoughts in your tiny little brain. They’re always on the hunt for a new (or renewed) sacrifice. Most importantly they travel in unrelenting satanic packs of malice. The Pale Door has more fiends than you can shake a stick at, but, unfortunately, doesn’t do a whole heck of a lot with this spooky pile of occult weirdos.

December 10, 2020

Mike’s Review: Alive (2020)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ Just when you thought the zombie genre had plumb run out of ideas along comes a pretty interesting and pretty inventive take on on a concept that’s...uh...dying.

August 22, 2020

Dead List: Top 10 Found Footage Films of All Time

You love ’em. You hate ’em. You don’t know where to start. You worship at their altar. All these things are true. One of the most polemic (and satisfying) devices in the horror genre — shaky cam/found footage flics.

December 6, 2021

Mike’s Review: The Whooper Returns (2021) (Another Hole in the Head Film Festival)

★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ It’s always fascinating to see how something of little-to-no-value can bring out the worst in people as soon as they realize that someone else is interested in the same valueless item. This dynamic is made all the worse when it’s families fighting over the same scrap of trash. Worse yet? When that scrap of trash is the site of a 1979 horror film, the Whooper.

November 30, 2021

Mike’s Review: Slumber Party Massacre (2021)

★.5 out of ★★★★★ Alright. Move along. Move along. There’s nothing to see here. Really, there’s nothing to see. A sad commentary on what should have been one of the most celebrated films this side of Halloween Kills. But, it’s true. The reimagining of the Slumber Party Massacre is a dull and uneven homage to its predecessor.

November 8, 2021

Movie News: Studio 666 Coming Soon!

As ideas slowly become more and more (re) used and reworked filmmaking has progressively embraced the meta. In fact, things have become so meta sometimes it’s difficult to tell when one concept ends and the next begins. Enter the recently announced horror offering featuring…the Foo Fighters?

August 17, 2021

Mike’s Review: The Last Matinee (Popcorn Frights 2021)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ The Last Matinee is a loving homage to film. More to the point it’s a loving homage and exploration of Argento, Fulchi, grindhouse cinema, slashers, grimy movie theaters, and quite possibly the great Lamberto Bava film Demons. Don’t be fooled though. While The Last Matinee pulls from many of the classics, it’s got its own unique style and flavor, and it’s cram-packed with EYEBALLS.

July 22, 2021

Movie News! New Jordan Peele Poster, Nope.

If you follow the ol' Scariest Things Podcast you know that we love our posters! No poster is too weird, too gory, too strange, too horrifying, or too vague.

May 28, 2021

Mike’s Review: Army of the Dead (2021)

★★ out of ★★★★★ Gone are the days of Bub from Day of the Dead. Gone are the days of the zombie nurse, the fat guy, and the Hare Krishna from Dawn of the Dead. Gone are the half-dogs and headless zombies from Return of the Living Dead. Most importantly, gone is a fun but serious dissection of societal woes and man’s modern day pitfalls. IInstead we’re now being fed a pile of ghastly super-hero zombies, that shriek like space aliens, set inside a hyper-realized video game construct. It’s a sad state of affairs to be sure. One might even say that the zombie genre has jumped the shark, or in this case the albino zombie tiger.

May 16, 2021

Trailer Alert! Forever Purge

In light of all the insurrectionist lunacy that we faced in early 2021, it's an incredible stroke of kismet that the horror gods would be throwing us the Forever Purge in the very same year. But they are.

April 8, 2021

Mike’s Review: Offseason (2021) (SXSW Festival)

★★.5 out of ★★★★★ Pulling the perfect Lovecraftian film is a feat like no other. It’s been tried again and again. You might even say film makers repeated attempts to crawl inside Mr. Lovecraft’s tortured brain is rife with peril, failure, and madness. Or more to the point, it’s a cursed mission. Many have attempted to bring Lovecraft to the silver screen and most have failed. In the case, of 2021’s Offseason, it’s not so much a failure, but a dull attempt.

March 21, 2021

Mike’s Review: The Feast (2021) (SXSW Festival)

★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ Don’t. Turn. This. Movie. Off. Seriously, it’s a slow burn in grand tradition of slow burn horror films, but the payoff off is so deliciously evil and filling. If you stop after the aspic and the salad course you’ll miss a rather grisly desert.

March 16, 2021

Mike’s Review: Sasquatch (2021) (SXSW Festival)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ “If you go in to the woods go with an open mind.” Famed Bigfoot videographer, Bob Gimlin.

February 7, 2021

Mike’s Review: La Llorona (2020)

★★.5 out of ★★★★★ A stunningly beautiful film that follows a not so beautiful period of time in Guatemala's tumultuous and unfortunate history. This horror film, that's awfully light on the horror, shows audiences that sometimes the scares don't come from ghouls, but they come from right-wing juntas.

January 10, 2021

Mike’s Review: Images (1972)

★★★★ out of ★★★★★ When true film auteurs wander outside of their staid and classical lines and in to the horror genre there’s always the potential for some serious magic. Kubrick with the Shining, Freidkin with the Exorcist, Spielberg with Jaws, and even Danny Boyle with 28 Days Later. All these major film think-o-logists had a crack at horror and walked away proud at what they had accomplished, or so ashamed at the terror they had brought to the cineplex, they never came back to the genre. One of the greatest film auteurs of all time, Robert Altman, wandered in to horror with aplomb, but sadly his seminal effort has been forgotten in the sands of time.

December 22, 2020

Mike’s Review: Victim of Love (Another Hole in the Head Festival)

★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ A super stylish and exceptionally well-scored film that’s partially in Danish and partially in English and…wait for it…features a character who’s half Danish and half American.

September 5, 2020

Mike’s Review: Beyond the Woods (2018)

★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ Not all horror films need to be over-wrought. They needn't be filled with hyper-complex multi-layered lore. CGI has its time and place, but that time in place is not in every time and every place. On occasion horror is able to lean simply on human emotions, quaint spaces, and languid settings. If you need a reprieve from the hustle and bustle of 21st century horror then Beyond the Woods is waiting for you...just beyond the woods.

August 2, 2020

Dead List: Top 10 Animal Horror Films

Thumper, Ben, Lassie, Willard, Cujo…my pet gator? Why have you chosen to forsake me? In Episode 16 we explored this very question and got down and dirty in the animal kingdom. These are some of the scariest pets and animals to have ever graced the silver screen and boy have they gone bad! They PRETEND to be man's best friend but ultimately they've got other things in store for us weak and inferior humans. Before you race out to the pet store watch the ten scariest films ever made featuring animals!

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