★★★ out of ★★★★★
Sleazy, greasy, grimy, grindhouse fare. It’s all here. Right down to a chilling and rather off-putting performance by one of the more odd actors to ever grace a horror film, Klaus Kinski. Hot on the heels of one of the all-time great horror performances in 1979’s Nosferatu the Vampyre, Kinski sleazes his way throughout SCHIZOID!
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
On the edge of the 40th anniversary of the seminal John Carpenter-Stephen King mashup it’s high time we pay proper due to a legitimate horror classic. Coupled with the fact that Blumhouse is in the works of producing a questionable remake — due in 2022/2023 — and the fact that this 1983 joint is now streaming on Netflix in UHD, it makes it the perfect time to consider where this fits in to the pantheon of horror greats.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
This hop, skip, and jump down memory lane provides an incredible gory realization that horror films from the 1980s were silly, confusing, and nasty bits of business. Sure they were rather amateur-ish, but they were also exciting jumping off points for the masters of horror for decades to come! There’s Sam Raimi, Ted Raimi, Greg Nicotero, Bruce Campbell, Renée Estevez, and even famed Tarantino producer, Lawrence Bender. Some parts are smaller than others, but rest assured, they’re all there!
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Everybody had to start somewhere. Alien ripped off The Green Slime. Child’s Play ripped off Magic. Piranha ripped off Jaws. And everyone ripped off Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It should come as no surprise that this year’s weirdo “it” film Malignant is a ripoff, but we’re here to tell you it is.
★ out of ★★★★★
or
★★★★★ out of ★★★★★
A five star film that’s also simultaneously a one star film? A film that occupies an incredibly rare space. It’s loved. It’s hated. It’s revered. It’s reviled. A film that’s poorly shot, conceived, and acted, but its legendarily awful veneer gives way to a blood soaked interior that’s impossible not to LOVE.
★★★ out of ★★★★★ Umm what just happened? Was that a dream? Did I just have a stroke? Did my ego and id simultaneously implode? Unclear on all fronts. One thing is certain. This is a film like no other and it’s not something you can ever unsee.
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
To describe this film, one must invoke the voice of Bill Hader’s Saturday Night Live character, Stefon. The audience cheers as Stefon slides in from stage right. Hands rise to face. Breathe deep. And release.
If you know anything about the Scariest Things Podcast it’s that we love MONSTERS. Monsters of all kinds. Creatures beneath the sea, behemoths that lurk in the dark, and even the occasional URSUS HORRIBLUS! The grizzly bear.
Things just can’t possibly get weird enough. Hollyweird may have run out of ideas and the public is going to […]
★★ out of ★★★★★ At Rob Zombie’s darkened dirtbag core is a full and unfiltered embrace of the age-old adage “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Slow motion. Hyperbolic acting (or in some cases no acting). Closeups so close you can count individual pores Captain Spaulding’s grease-paint soaked forehead. Weirdly rare and off-putting selection of non-Joe Walsh James Gang tracks. If you’ve seen House of a Thousand Corpses and Devil’s Rejects then you’ve been thoroughly exposed to Mr. Zombie’s cinema trickery.
★★1/2 out of ★★★★★ 1983 just called. Your VHS tape is overdue!
🔪🔪🔪🔪1/2 out of 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 The rules surrounding Giallo have been firmly established. Beginning somewhere around 1964 with Mario Bava’s Blood and Black Lace and continuing to the present with such color-soaked homosexual freakouts as 2019’s Knife+Heart, Giallo has been around the block.
★★.5 out of ★★★★★ College isn’t for everyone. There’s peer pressure, there’s social acclimatization, there’s the freshman 15, there’s the daily grind of keeping one’s grades in check to maintain that almighty scholarship, and then there’s the relationships. The social bond that’s created can be a lasting and spiritually satisfying affinity, but the bond can go so deep that it’ll eventually turn collegiate relations sour and crazy.
★★.5 out of ★★★★★ Is this really too good to be true? Too bad to be believed? So ridiculous we all laugh with it? Or so horrible we curl up in a cringe-worthy ball of shame? Answer: All of ‘em.
👿👿👿 out of 👿👿👿👿👿
This film doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a bad film. Au contraire.
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
You’ve seen the VHS tape. You’ve seen the poster. Hell, you’ve probably even seen the trailer for this 1980s slice of brilliance, BUT have you actually seen the movie?
★★★ out of ★★★★★ Written by Charles Band and directed by David Schmoeller There’s some things in life that you […]
HAPPY NEW YEAR’S Scariest Things Podcast fans!!! Hoping 2019 will be just as terrifying at 2018! 🔪🎥💀👻🧛♂️🧟♀️⚰️ P.S. Don’t watch […]
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ This ain’t no Charlie Brown Christmas. Directed by Charles Sellier, Jr. There’s some of those […]
★★ out of ★★★★★ Hear me out…Craig T. Nelson really is a solid actor. No really. For that matter so […]
★★.5 out of ★★★★★ Christopher George fights grizzly bears (Grizzly). He fights masked killers (Graduation Day). He fights a jigsaw killer […]
★★★ out of ★★★★★ When your film’s foundation is ensconced in werewolves, witches, ghosts, lots of present day political allegory, […]
Seems simple enough. Just shut your eyes…and scream. According to the brain trust over at IMDB this little chiller was […]
★★out of ★★★★★
The class of 81 is going out in style and they’re having the time of their life…
★★★ out of ★★★★★
You know what’s cool about 1980s horror films?
Just save your pennies and you might get a new TV too. But beware, there might be something living inside […]
“I’m So proud of my boys they never forget their mama.” Kinda says it all…doesn’t it. Happy Mother’s Day from […]
Wow. Just wow. Haven’t seen this flic, but the posters is a whole bag of cool. I try not to […]
Scary movie, scary film, and SUPER-scary soundtrack! Technically this is not a post about a poster, but more about the […]
That’s OK…I’m not a huge fan of shish kebab.
