⭐️⭐️⭐️ out of ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Intensity: 🩸🩸🩸 out of 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸
What do you get when you combine Doug Bradley, religious horror, practical effects, signals from space, and a cool retro vibe? Who cares! It’s DOUG BRADLEY!
<cough>
Sorry.
I mean, Thorns! And it’s a fun, often nostalgic-feeling ride.
Written/Directed by Douglas Schulze
Ex-priest turned NASA investigator, Gabriel Goodman [Jon Bennett; Dark Heaven (2002)], has been tasked with checking out the remote Iron Mountain Observatory which has gone mysteriously silent after receiving some kind of signal from a deep space probe. And if that wasn’t enough, Gabriel’s old boss, Archbishop Jenkins [Doug Bradley; Hellraiser series (1987-2005)] informs him that the Catholic church also has an interest in this event.
As it turns out, a nun from a nearby convent, Sister Agnes [Cassandra Schomer; TV’s How to Survive the End of the World (2014)], has been vandalizing the observatory and pestering its director with wild rantings of prophecy and doom. Rather than make it a police matter, the Bishop was called to intervene. What follows harkens back to the days of synth-music scores, low-budget videostore treasures, and literally visceral practical effects.
With it’s roots firmly grounded in the “Evil Signal” trope — similar to fun flicks like Stephen King’s Cell (2016) and David Brucker’s The Signal (2007) — Thorns adds in a tasty religious horror flavor which is never unwelcome. While the script feels a little strained at times — for example, our main character searching vainly for the observatory’s director while the viewer can clearly see where he is — it’s confident in where it wants to go and pushes forward regardless. Damn the torpedoes! Let’s tear that guy’s face off!
Which is what really hooked me with this enjoyable feature. Oh, how I love me some practical effects. With a self-described “ultra-low budget”, there’s a surprising amount of goopy unpleasantness (which, of course, I mean in the nicest way possible). Without giving any spoilers, the removing-the-headphones scene in particular had me saying “eww” out loud as I sat in my living room by myself. Kudos to Daniel Phillips (SFX) and Matthew Jarjosa (VFX) for doing a lot with a little.
Sets and set dressing in Thorns is another thing that impresses in spite of its budget. Using parts of a skillfully redressed school as well as an abandoned Detroit church makes the movie feel bigger than it would had it all been shot on set.
The acting in the film is solid with notable standout Cassandra Schomer who — as the mute, vandalizing nun — had no spoken lines for a good chunk of the movie. For her, it’s mostly facial expressions with bits of sign language thrown in for good measure and she handled the challenge with aplomb. And, of course, horror icon Doug Bradley brings a touch of class to the screen as expected.
Thorns is a meticulously constructed homage to old skool monster movies made by people who obviously loved what they were doing.
Long live the Necronaut!
Thorns had its world premiere at this year’s Fright Fest UK and is currently enjoying a thorough tour of the festival circuit.
Review by Robert Zilbauer.