🧀🧀🧀1/2 out of 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
A splatterrific swissploitation film chock full of mayhem, fascists and, above all, dairy products.
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The Golden Age of Horror continues to churn out fun, exciting, imaginative, shocking, and innovative delights for all!
This year had no shortage of incredible fright-fare films, and whittling down my “best of 2022” list to 10 from 20 strong candidates was a difficult task — one so daunting that I had to have two ties, as leaving any of the following features off of my list would have been a travesty. Here is what I ultimately came up with.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ out of ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ancient curses! Decapitation! Time travel! Hillbillies! Rental property! Aliens! If you're a fan of absurdist horror/comedy, this one's right up your alley.
Merry Christmas from the Scariest Things Podcast!!! This year we’re giving you the gift that no one asked for, ever expected, and certainly one that no one ever put on their Christmas wishlist. It’s free and it’s here waiting for you. Totally unwrapped and ready to go…
We give you all the Silent Night Deadly Night films ranked! And…you’re welcome.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Get in the car and road trip with two teenage cannibals in Bones and All.
★★.5 out of ★★★★★
Regicide is one of those awesome $5 dollar SAT words. You’d swear you know what it means, but always end up having to look it up online. We’ll save you they trouble. Regicide is the killing of a monarch or king. In the case of 2022’s uber-indy flick Regicide, this kind of makes sense, but it takes the film an awfully long time to find the metaphor.
★ out of ★★★★★
Laughably bad CGI. Overcooked and undercooked use of green screen. A shrill, bothersome, and awkward performance by Alicia Silverstone. And the sharks don’t even appear until the 50+ minute mark. These are just a few of problems with The Requin that could honestly fill an ocean.
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
Agatha resides at the intersection of an experimental art piece and a horror movie. Knowing that, you know how to proceed with this film. Agatha is visually stunning but ultimately difficult to process at times. It is mesmerizing and dreamy and entirely devoid of dialogue, so your attention span will be tested. Ultimately if you like visually poetic and painterly films, this will be your bag.
★★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
Are you ready to make an offer on a house filled with puppets?
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Intensity: 🩸🩸🩸 out of 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸
Night of the Bastard is fun. Stupid fun. Be ready for a low-budget B-Movie brawler of a picture. A desert trailer-trash and Satanic Cult mashup awaits.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
It’s a rampaging robotic Santa versus a clever, foul-mouthed record store owner in Joe Begos’ holiday horror Christmas Bloody Christmas.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
While no one on the Scariest Things Podcast is a licensed cryptozoologist, it’s fair to say that we all have an interest in this murky science. There’s even a few of us — gasp — that might actual believe in the cryptids! When this most recent offering popped up at the Another Hole in the Head Film fest we knew we had to search it out.
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
A crumbling relationship leads a couple to take their frustrations out on a jog around a nearby pond, but they get trapped in a mysterious Mobius loop that becomes a private hell for the two of them. A smart,, if repetitive (of course) time paradox tale that explores the truly destructive nature of a breakup in some very clever ways.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
A high school counselor’s trip to Kansas City, Kansas so that he can help out a student turns into an oddball odyssey in this winning, blood-soaked comedy.
★★.5 out of ★★★★★
An evocative film name for an equally evocative true story. Pig Killer should not be taken lightly and nor should the horrible tale of Willy Pickton who killed and killed until he made his way in to Canadian history books as the most prolific serial killer in the country’s history.
Joseph reviews three ★★★★ out of ★★★★★ short films from Another Hole in the Head Film Festival: 7 MINUTES IN HELL, ANGEL CITY HORROR, and THE WELL.
Cognitive ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
The Keys ★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
A King in Yellow ★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
Joseph reviews three thrilling slices of fear-fare from Another Hole in the Head Film Festival.
★★ out of ★★★★★
Tucked neatly between two pretty cool holidays is a celebration that’s pretty mundane. Face it Thanksgiving ain’t all that great, nor is gluttony. It’s definitely a tough spot to be in. The equivalent in the world of horror is being unfortunately stuck between horror and comedy. That’s exactly where the 2019 Blumhouse/Hulu film Pilgrim fits.
Sort of funny. Sort of horror. But really neither.
★★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
The Menu is an extremely well-crafted dark satire-thriller that both seduces you and fills you with dread. In the world of five-star restaurants, there is a cult of personality built around celebrity chefs. This movie extends that idea to make this a suicide death cult of personality. Bon appetit!
★★★ out of ★★★★★
The holidays are just around the corner! Well, technically the holidays are ALWAYS just around the corner. The only thing more bleak than the constant crush of forced holiday frivolity? I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
The latest crytpozoology documentary from the terrific Small Town monsters production company is another solid effort, this one focusing on the history and social issues surrounding the Jersey Devil.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Part thriller, part mystery, part horror, and all metaphor! No Exit is a pretty fun thrill ride that never gets too gory, grimy, or grody. Just a little bit of each, but not too much of any.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
The living master of stop-motion animation, Phil Tippett has finished his 35-year-old passion project, Mad God. It is a technical and visual triumph, an astounding achievement of effort, care, and craftsmanship. Notably, Mad God is also full of yucky puppets. It is also devoid of a clear narrative story. It resembles the visions of Hell by Hieronymous Bosch put into animated stop motion.
Simply put: Mad God is surreal, profane, disturbing, confusing... and FREAKY.
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
A skeptical husband goes against his superstitious wife’s wishes and finds himself in a downward spiral of tragedy in this brooding Korean chiller.
★★★★.5 out of ★★★★★
If 2022 has you a little jaundiced with reboots, sequels, prequels, and re-imaginations your feelings are not unwarranted. Let’s face it, Halloween Ends was confusing and largely devoid of Michael Myers. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was silly and uncooked. Hellraiser was pretty to look at, but became an unnecessary and boring reboot.
Have no fear. The Indonesians are here to save us!
★★ out of ★★★★★
A quiet and contemplative affair that sadly just remains a quiet and contemplative affair. No highs, no lows, and few scares.
★★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
U.K. creature feature The Lair may not win any awards for originality or win accolades for its characters, but if you are in the mood for action horror with monsters and grue aplenty, it is a fun watch.
Prom Car '91 ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Gnomes ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Joseph reviews two excellent shorts from Nightmares Film Festival.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Marvel is dipping its toe into the horror genre. It's an homage to the great Universal and Val Lewton era of film, with glorious black-and-white. It's gorier than you would expect a Marvel/Disney production to be, and it has all the right feels. It's short, punchy, and a whole lot of fun. Michael Giacchino steps away from his composer's chair to take the director's set, with great success. Here's hoping they turn it into a continuing series.