“Woulds’t thou like to live deliciously?” Of course you would, and that’s why you’re going to get the Playmobil set of Robert Egger’s The VVitch, courtesy of the very clever folks at Millionaire Playboy!

I wanna play with Black Phillip! The creative team that is Millionaire Playboy has cobbled together a play set, from what I’m guessing is a Pilgrim’s Thanksgiving set and a farm set, and re-enacted several of the key moments within the movie with uncanny insight. They created this back in 2016, but my friend Katrina brought this to my attention just recently, and yeah, it still resonates. OK, kids let’s talk about piety, madness, witches, and the devil! Who’s with me?

You get the whole family:

• Tomasin (Anna Taylor Joy), our teenage protagonist and will be witch.
• William (Ralph Ineson), the devout and foolhardy father.
• Katherine (Kate Dickie), the unhinged and strict mother.
• Caleb (Harvey Scrimshaw), the courageous and doomed boy.
• Mercy (Ellie Grainger), horrible little twin #1
• Jonas (Lucas Dawson), horrible little twin #2
• Samuel (Axton Henry Dube) The baby. Don’t get too attached.
• The Witch (Bathsheba Garnett) Not as sexy as in the movie.
• BLACK FUCKING PHILLIP! Yeah! Bring the GOAT!
• A rabbit… for the stare down.
• A dog, a cat, another goat, and a sheep.
• The log cabin.
• The stable.

What more could you want? Hours of fun recreating family dysfunction awaits. In order to play properly with this set you need to speak in Ye Olde English, and play only by candlelight or on overcast winter days. Otherwise, you’re really missing the point. Sacrifice and asceticsm… them’s the rules, folks.

And here’s the video of the set being played with by honest to goodness kids! So wrong, and so right. If they are taking requests, I want the good folks at Millionaire Playboy to do Outpost 31, and do The THING next!