★★★★ out of ★★★★★
By Seth Grahame-Smith
Seth Grahame-Smith is a name many horror fans will recognize. He’s the author of the horror classics Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter both of which have been adapted into films. Before those books, way back in 2007, Grahame-Smith penned a field guide for anyone unlucky enough to find themselves in the “terrorverse”, How to Survive a Horror Movie. In this expanded 2019 edition brought to you by Quirk Books, Grahame-Smith offers the advanced scout’s guide to survival with irreverence and love for all the trends and tropes of the genre.
After establishing if you are actually in a horror movie and then what kind, the reader is guided through hilarious (but very informative) chapters covering any and all possible horror movie scenarios including “how to survive a night of babysitting”, “what to do when an evil vehicle wants you dead”, “what to do if you only have seven days to live” and my personal favorite, “what to do if your corn has children in it”.
Also included are handy charts and checklists filled with pointers like which tools to take from the tool shed arsenal (chainsaw- yes, shovel- no, do you really want to hand the screenwriter the “dig your own grave” narrative?!), “10 wildlife creatures that are always evil” and “10 things to never, ever, ever put in a child’s room” (clowns top that list as any good horror fan knows).
This book may be little but it packs a huge, hilarious gut punch and it deserves a place on your bookshelf or coffee table. You can even pick up a few copies for friends, but as the author notes early in the guide if someone gave this book to you as a gift, “that’s like your spouse signing up for life insurance ‘which you’ll probably never even need'” so choose the recipients wisely.
How to Survive a Horror Movie is available on the Quirk Books Website which will send you to your favorite online purveyor.
[Note: Some of the links in this review contain affiliate info so clicking on them might result in a wee bit of cashola in the ol’ Scariest Things coffers. It’s not costing you anything extra. We’re just skimming a bit off the top from the corporate fat cats and putting it towards more Scariest Things goodness.]
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