★★★★ out of ★★★★★ "Timely, topical, and terrific." Well that's what the Scariest Things Podcast would say if Variety came calling for a pull quote. Joe Burke's (Four Dogs) brand spanking new horror short Desert Quarantine is a perfect reflection of a perfect reflection of society's current spate of worry, hate, fear, and confusion.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★ So close. Not quite. Just about there. One more try. Close but no cigar. You're right in the ballpark. Just. One. More. Inch. This is the prevailing and effectively repeated trope in the 2019 (U.S. release) Thai film, the Pool.
★★★ out of ★★★★★ I mean, really, who are we to ever question the greatness of the great Charlie Kaufman. A visionary. A cinematic poet. A deep thinker that throws head-scratchers our way every chance he gets. A repertoire filled with unimpeachable films. One after another. BUT, he's never really dabbled in the horror genre, nor has he dealt with a storyline so chilling, unnerving, and downright baffling. And it kind of shows.
★★★ out of ★★★★★ Found footage films can be a tricky business. You really have to sell the conceit that someone, or in this case multiple people, are going to be carrying around camera and recording every single move they make -- and they might even inadvertently catch a freaky apparition in the background. A tall task made even more grand by the sheer number of found footage films that have made their way to the bottom of the bargin bin at Best Buy.
★★ out of ★★★★★ It’s everything you’ve ever wanted! It contains film footage likely derived from 10 different film shoots over the course of nearly 40 years. It’s got Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest (Louise Fletcher). It’s got Indiana Jones pal Salah (John Rhys-Davies). It’s got the super crooked hillbilly cop from Rambo, Galt (Jack Starrett). It’s sort of got a couple scenes with a grizzly bear. But just don’t be fooled, there’s not a whole heck of a lot of Charlie Sheen, Laura Dern, and George Clooney.
★ out of ★★★★★ Serious question. Are horror movies required to be scary? Can they just pass off a sense of dread and doom in other less frightening but equally provocative ways? Answer: it sure makes horror more horrifying if there’s some actual horror in the horror film.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Straight outta the Pacific Northwest comes another joint from the same team that brought you 2018’s Big Legend. A far more daring, if not a little less linear, than their first outing with Bigfoot, 2021’s The Stairs is a complex bit of business wrapped up in a cautionary camping tale.
★★★ out of ★★★★★
Everybody had to start somewhere. Alien ripped off The Green Slime. Child’s Play ripped off Magic. Piranha ripped off Jaws. And everyone ripped off Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It should come as no surprise that this year’s weirdo “it” film Malignant is a ripoff, but we’re here to tell you it is.
Blumhouse is back on the scene with a brand new joint that's guaranteed to give you a mean case of the shivers. Don't look now, but the Vigil is coming your way on July 31, 2020.
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ Not all horror films need to be over-wrought. They needn't be filled with hyper-complex multi-layered lore. CGI has its time and place, but that time in place is not in every time and every place. On occasion horror is able to lean simply on human emotions, quaint spaces, and languid settings. If you need a reprieve from the hustle and bustle of 21st century horror then Beyond the Woods is waiting for you...just beyond the woods.
★★★★ out of ★★★★★ Horror movies really are the ultimate glimpse in to the soul of man. Society's reflection upon itself. Our most base thoughts, visions, hopes, dreams, and fears all laid bare for the universe to see. The historic period of time is largely irrelevant to the equation, because the result is always the same -- man's continued inhumanity to man.
★★★.5 out of ★★★★★ One medium with possibly more sub-genres than horror is futbol, AKA, football, AKA soccer. There’s so many villains, tales, rivalries, and subtext to the beautiful game. Much like horror its a bottomless barrel of impossible possibilities. The other medium with more sub-genres than futbol and horror? Zombies.
★★.5 out of ★★★★★ Pulling the perfect Lovecraftian film is a feat like no other. It’s been tried again and again. You might even say film makers repeated attempts to crawl inside Mr. Lovecraft’s tortured brain is rife with peril, failure, and madness. Or more to the point, it’s a cursed mission. Many have attempted to bring Lovecraft to the silver screen and most have failed. In the case, of 2021’s Offseason, it’s not so much a failure, but a dull attempt.
★ out of ★★★★★ It looks like a horror film. It acts like a horror film. It’s directed by cinema great and heir to the Hitchcock throne. Its promotional materials portend horror is just around the corner. But don’t be fooled, this super-star-packed 1970s telekinetic hype machine is nothing but a boring and unnecessarily long after-school special.
★ out of ★★★★★
or
★★★★★ out of ★★★★★
A five star film that’s also simultaneously a one star film? A film that occupies an incredibly rare space. It’s loved. It’s hated. It’s revered. It’s reviled. A film that’s poorly shot, conceived, and acted, but its legendarily awful veneer gives way to a blood soaked interior that’s impossible not to LOVE.
★★1/2 out of ★★★★★
🩸🩸 out of 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸
Remember Witchboard? The Tawny Kitaen led Ouija Board camp classic? How well does it hold up to today's standards? It's earnest. It tries hard. But it's as stiff as the Ouija Board itself. Read on for more conclusions!
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